Thursday, November 10, 2005

ghetto fabness, hot lingerie, howard and showers

whilst one drives through the lovely city of cleveland along st. clair ave. going east; one sees many interesting people and things!
for example, i see many P I M P S U I T E S, a funeral home with time/temp sign in front, black man walking a pit bull dog, and lots of beauty shops. it's fun to take a lunch break drive at least once a week. once i master the art of photography while driving, i'll have visuals.

according to ohnotheydidn't, vikki's secret fashion show will be sexy! my personal fav ensembles are the frilly-umbrella-creation and the purple-satin-bow-hotness.

saw III is coming next year...excellent. love that shit, they should make a tv spin-off next.

turns out howard was suspended the other day because of his 50 cent interview. i guess the term "bitches" was used too much. it's not like anyone got offended. why would they suspend him? no one listens to him but his fans! i hate people who hate howard. fuckin morons. they don't realize that he is a true genius, they hear about one little obsurd comment and ASSume that his whole show is a joke/porno. not at all, howard is so smart and opinionated and interesting and funny!
i was wondering why they were saying it was hitler's birthday the next morning. i wish they would just play repeats every morning when howard leaves terrestrial radio. i don't want to hear david lee fag. van halen SUX. no one can replace howard.

my 2nd fav funny man, conan, has successfully reproduced again, yey! happy birthday little o'brien!


how to shower like a woman
1. take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. if you see boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

4. get in shower. use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. wash hair again to make sure it's clean. condition with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

6. wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

7. rinse conditioner off hair. shave armpits and legs.

8. turn off shower. squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. spray mold spots with Tilex.

9. get out of shower. dry with towel the size of a small country. wrap hair in super absorbent towel. check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

10. return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. if you see boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

how to shower like a man
1. take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. walk naked to the bathroom.

2. if you see girlfriend along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

3. look at your manly physique in the mirror. admire the size of your wiener and scratch your behind.

4. get in the shower. wash your face. wash your armpits. blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

5. fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

6. spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

7. wash your hair. make a shampoo mohawk. pee.

8. rinse off and get out of shower. partially dry off. fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

9. admire wiener size in mirror again. leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

10. return to bedroom with towel around waist. if you pass girlfriend, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed/floor.

HAHA! how fuckin true is that?

confusion. shock. horror.
there are
with this picture


Anonymous Amy said...

But can't we list them anyway?

1:02 PM  

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