Wednesday, November 23, 2005

blah blah blah

here are some random things

and 709,996,956 seconds
i am 197,221 hours old

true colors
mike-o jack-o was caught in the ladies room fixing his makeup

tori joins al stewart during his performance of "year of the cat", like 14 yrs ago.

and that's a warning
pamela anderson dies of tit attack

how appalling
mk and ashley olsen clones sing about their love for hitler

only a mother could love...
ugliest dog in the world has died

Friday, November 18, 2005

cats cats kittens!!

1. cat with 2 tongues

2. today in the plaindealer i learned that an ohio woman had abandoned 40 kittens in the metroparks! 9 died, the rest were rescued. what a fucking bitch+!!!!!!!!!!!! but i think her punishment is worthy...she has to spend the nite alone in the woods without food or shelter, hahahahahahahaha!!!!! now she'll know how it feels to be alone and scared in the cold wilderness.
who would do such a thing to these lovlies?

ps: see July 3rd entry. if anyone thought this was fake, here is visual proof
incase you're lazy, here's an article about this freak show

Thursday, November 10, 2005

ghetto fabness, hot lingerie, howard and showers

whilst one drives through the lovely city of cleveland along st. clair ave. going east; one sees many interesting people and things!
for example, i see many P I M P S U I T E S, a funeral home with time/temp sign in front, black man walking a pit bull dog, and lots of beauty shops. it's fun to take a lunch break drive at least once a week. once i master the art of photography while driving, i'll have visuals.

according to ohnotheydidn't, vikki's secret fashion show will be sexy! my personal fav ensembles are the frilly-umbrella-creation and the purple-satin-bow-hotness.

saw III is coming next year...excellent. love that shit, they should make a tv spin-off next.

turns out howard was suspended the other day because of his 50 cent interview. i guess the term "bitches" was used too much. it's not like anyone got offended. why would they suspend him? no one listens to him but his fans! i hate people who hate howard. fuckin morons. they don't realize that he is a true genius, they hear about one little obsurd comment and ASSume that his whole show is a joke/porno. not at all, howard is so smart and opinionated and interesting and funny!
i was wondering why they were saying it was hitler's birthday the next morning. i wish they would just play repeats every morning when howard leaves terrestrial radio. i don't want to hear david lee fag. van halen SUX. no one can replace howard.

my 2nd fav funny man, conan, has successfully reproduced again, yey! happy birthday little o'brien!


how to shower like a woman
1. take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. if you see boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

4. get in shower. use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. wash hair again to make sure it's clean. condition with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

6. wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

7. rinse conditioner off hair. shave armpits and legs.

8. turn off shower. squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. spray mold spots with Tilex.

9. get out of shower. dry with towel the size of a small country. wrap hair in super absorbent towel. check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

10. return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. if you see boyfriend along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

how to shower like a man
1. take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. walk naked to the bathroom.

2. if you see girlfriend along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

3. look at your manly physique in the mirror. admire the size of your wiener and scratch your behind.

4. get in the shower. wash your face. wash your armpits. blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

5. fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

6. spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

7. wash your hair. make a shampoo mohawk. pee.

8. rinse off and get out of shower. partially dry off. fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

9. admire wiener size in mirror again. leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

10. return to bedroom with towel around waist. if you pass girlfriend, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed/floor.

HAHA! how fuckin true is that?

confusion. shock. horror.
there are
with this picture

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

EW!!! and AHH!!! i gay?

[ugly picture of cameron diaz looking like a crack head]
kinda like this but with excessive red lipstick, etc.

I JUST RALPHED ALL OVER MYSELF! i used to think she was cute, but, um, uh, eh, ughhhhhh yuk.

i'll take one of these any day:

i must be gay or maybe i just like girls? trust me, ian wouldn't care to be in a me/paris sandwhich...would he?

Sunday, November 06, 2005

dan and his previous evil dog, robots, pigs & books



ian my love came over last nite and we discovered what dan does on his laptop all day. he really likes a website called unsure of the website? check it out! not only did he visit the website multiple times, but watched many videos. haha! wow...what a shining perfect example. i bet my lil sis would love to know about the things daddy does when no one is home. or maybe mom?? who knows, i may just spill the beans one day! and the funny part? he also visits the website of sj family and lca everyday! that's my dan rant for today. oh wait, i also stumbled upon this...
the grinch who ruined christmas and everyday after was his stupid dog that he trained to hate me which eventually attacked and almost killed me. (see July 27th entry) not only that but i was "babysitting" the fuck while they were out in chicago. here's his little ad in the paper. haha. one lady took the fuck home and brought him back the next day - no one can handle that dog. it was brainwashed by dan. i love animals, you know this, but that dog? sadly, i don't believe is alive right now.
looks 'good on paper' as carrie would say...spawn of satan

anyway...other than reliving the scariest moment of my life thus far, let's laugh at stuff
1) small bird rescued by robot! awwwwwwwwwww that's so precious. it should contact peta2 and maybe it could be the star activist of the month!
2) my favorite drink is dr.pepper and i pretty much drink it everyday. so i have to keep in mind not to exceed 191 cans per day. or i will die. and you. and you and you and you.
3) babycage. for those who really don't care about their babies.
4) britney spears is a meatball
5) did you know pigs have corkscrew shaped penises? ew.
6) does anyone else remember this show? i miss it!
7) i want a paris hilton diary! and a novel by nicole richie!

okay goodnite

Friday, November 04, 2005

dan will be stopped, oh yes, he will be stopped

HOT TOPIX (to me at least)
1. you can buy vincent gallo's sperm! if only i wasn't a green eyed brunette...and had a mil
2. cute kitty plays with your mouse!
3. dirty deeds done dirt cheap.
4. nicole ritchie eating a weiner...woah, LOVES it!
5. mila kunis is one hot bitch on the cover of stuff

my mom said she was pissed at dan the other day. it was amazing. apparently a women came to the door selling meat and he slammed the door in her poor face because it was dinner time. what an asshole. then he laughed about it and my mom was like "just cause you have a bad day don't take it out on other people, you remind me of my customers at work!!" he was all like "i'm having a great day" all confident sounding. uhhhhh. if anyone would like to read articles written by him (because he's a great, talented writer who works for a magazine) here's a link. remember...DAN SANDOVAL is his name. it must be so exciting and fun to write about recycling and waste products. wow!

oh, speaking of dinner's a little taste of dinner time rules
1. no elbows on the table!
2. you must say "may i be excused from the table" when finished!
3. grace will be said before eating!
4. no reaching over other people! you must say "can you please pass the peas?"
5. we must all say one positive thing we did today!
6. no tv, radio, internet or phone calls allowed during dinner time!
7. dinner time must be spent at the dinner table, no living room/bed room eating allowed!
8. mother must be complimented on her cooking!
9. "please" and "thank you" must be used at all times!
etc., etc., etc...........................

for those in the trucking/shipping/receiving/freight/tote business...ATS IS THE WORST TRUCKING COMPANY TO USE! BOYCOTT ATS!!!
i bitched out rob for like an hour for screwing me on this really important load. my boss apparently overheard me and said it was "classic". be aggressive! be-be aggressive!

here's 2 halloween pix!

my friend 'goofy'
my boyfriend 'jason'

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

hey now pops

i love google hacks
visual poetry is so fun!!

here are my favorite sentances to translate into pictures:
1) mom is crabby
2) huge cock with no hair
3) we don't need no education
4) your brain is missing
5) my mental property
6) trick or treat (halloween hooker! yey!)

ew...have to interrupt real quick i just heard my dad mumble "..have ta go to tha can man" while walking towards the bathroom. who is he talking to? why is he narrating his actions? does he not know what he is about to do? does he know that i heard him? does he know that's fucking DISGUSTING AND WEIRD??????!!!!!!!

anyway...i'm back at good ole kp. loves it!!! now you can look forward to regular postings. yey. only way to describe the feeling i get before i answer the phone would be this picture:

i will be back with pictures of halloween madness, there is no age limit... but it IS cold outside and i have to get my camara downloader cord thing from my car and i really don't want to move.

one more thing, my cat just meowed and my dad said "no, not interested" to him. please save me. maybe i'll just talk about my dad from now on...he is one fucked-up/annoying/know-it-all/won't-shut-up/scary/ego-maniac/really-smart/runner-of-dictatorship/not-my-favorite/okay dude.

thank you